So recently my husband and I have been through some crazy trials. We have moved across the country answering God’s call to serve in a church inTennessee. Since the moment we said yes, it has been one thing after another on this journey. We have had physical injuries for me and my 2 year old that required ER visits. One minor surgery for my 2 year old, my oldest had a broken wrist, we have had financial difficulties, we have had a road of grieving that our entire family has been on leaving our home church in Colorado and our dear friends. We have had all sorts of crazy trials going on. The most recent being that my husband was in a car accident and totaled his car. So, let’s just say life is giving us lemons and to be perfectly honest, I am tired of making lemonade. I hate lemonade right now.
What I would really like is for all of this spiritual warfare to come to a screeching halt and give our family rest and peace. I have come to a point where I am thinking, ok, what is gonna happen today? Nothing surprises me anymore. I am writing this blog because I am fighting the urge to climb back in bed and give up all together. I would love to pull the covers over my head and forget the world exists. My faith is shaky right now. I know God to be faithful. I know He is with us. But can I just say my doubt is really shining through right now?
Yesterday in my devotional time I was reading the story of Moses being called to lead the Israelites out of bondage and slavery. I am relating to Moses in a huge way! I don’t feel like doing what God has asked me to do either and let me give you the list why. Yet, as I read this well known story, I was reminded very clearly that God is with me. He is with me in those lonely moments, in those moments where I crawl in bed and cry out to God, “I need you” because no other words come out and I beg for the Holy Spirit to intercede for me because I am too broken to speak. But, my heart speaks. It speaks to the creator of the universe and I know He hears my prayers and he aches with me. In Psalms it says that God is near to the broken hearted.
I am reminded of the story of Peter when he walked on water and began to sink when he took his eyes off Jesus and the waves were crashing around him. He cried out for Jesus to save him. Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. You see, Jesus was so close that he only needed to reach out his hand and yet Peter could not see Him. Sometimes in our own storms we are so consumed we cannot even see that the God of Heaven’s Armies is standing right on front of us. Well here I am in the waves and relying on my savior to catch me. I’ll share a passage the Lord gave to us as we embarked on this journey…
Isaiah 43:1-3
1 But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
2 When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
3 For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One ofIsrael, your Savior.
