So since I said yes to God to whatever he wants for me, so many things have happened (See blog post titled “Just Say Yes”). The following day I received a call from a dear friend who asked me to sing and lead worship at a prayer vigil for her friends baby boy who would be taken off life support very soon. I said of course and I would be honored. Can I tell you that night has forever changed me?
I asked God many times since that phone call what my purpose was in leading worship at this prayer vigil. I had friends tell me their take and nothing felt quite right. As I was driving to the Children’s Hospital the evening of the prayer vigil God revealed to me that He wanted me to suffer along with this family in there pain. That was my purpose. He needed to teach me things through this experience. I immediately started crying and freaking out. Their son is about the same age as my son. This will hurt badly! I called my dear friend and had her pray over me as I tried to drive with tears streaming down my face.
I arrived at the hospital and the mother of the Baby James immediately hugged me so tight and told me thank you. I had never met her before that evening. It is all I could do to not burst into tears. As we broke away from each other I saw another family from our church whose teenage son has cancer. I was overcome with how many people are living in the midst of hurt and suffering. Again, holding back tears.
I made my way out to a balcony at the hospital where the vigil would be held. A woman and her husband approached me and asked me if I was Neva Lamb. That was strange because I had never seen them before. She began to tell me of how she had my CD in her car and how her and her husband lost their little girl 3 years ago. They told me how I had ministered to them through leading worship at Northern Hills. I was so grateful and humbled God would send this couple to me to encourage me and let me know what the Holy Spirit was doing through me in worship by healing and ministering to people. So many times I had wondered if what I was doing every Sunday morning was really ministering to people.
After the prayer vigil was over I asked to meet Baby James. His life support would be turned off the next morning. I knew God wanted me to meet this precious little guy. As I walked to His room with two brothers from my church my heart was so heavy. I did not know what to expect. I tried to prepare myself for the worst. It didn’t help. Nothing could have prepared me for seeing this precious little boy about 1 year old hooked up to machines and just lifeless in his tiny hospital bed. I only stayed in the room about 5 minutes. It’s all I could handle as I imagined my own son lying in that bed dying. As I walked out of the room I will never forget walking down the hall with my two brothers in Christ and the three of us sobbing. I found comfort in knowing I was not alone in my tears.
As I drove home that evening I just cried. I had felt a morsel of this family’s suffering and the loss of their baby boy, James, and it had floored me. As I was praying and driving God asked me very clearly if I would serve Him in this way. Would I commit to helping people who were at their deepest place of suffering? Would I commit to walking beside them and ministering to them? He told me it would not be easy and it would hurt immensely. I said aloud, “Yes!” and sobbed all the way home.
When I got home I laid my head in my husbands lap and sobbed until I was almost asleep. That evening has defined me. It opened my eyes to hurt that people face. It opened my eyes to cling to Jesus and encourage others to do the same. It has allowed me to pull from a deep place as I lead worship. It has also led me to God’s word deeper and harder than before as I prepare to continue to minister to hurting families and people through worship. Thank you Baby James, for teaching me how to live.
It is an honor that I struggle to express, but, I am honored to walk through life with you, to serve and struggle along side you, to confide in you, to pray with you, even if it is with a hard heart at times. I find serving and suffering is far better than suffering alone…
proud of you honey for sharing your heart and soul with the world. know that God will be faithful and lift you up as you live a life in obedience to Him. I love you and am praying for you!
James is my grandson…his mommy, my daughter…thank you for sharing how James touched your life and how his memory lives on…the music you sang the night of his vigil touched our hearts on so many levels…thank you thank you thank you for what you do, and why you do it…Yours is a special calling and I am forever grateful that my grandson…that BEAUTIFUL, blonde haired, blue eyed most precious angel opened your heart wide enough for you to see it…I miss him more than any words could ever express…I long to hold him and smell him and feel his warmth against my skin…A huge hole is right at the center of my heart…but I know he came here for a reason…a reason too many people don’t understand any more…That we must have faith, that we must believe in God, that he is our savior, our Father and that miracles happen…maybe NOT the miracle we wished for…But James WAS the miracle…not how long he got to stay…cause I BEGGED God for a healing miracle, of which I did not get…but my Jamesy Boy…Oh yeah…he was a most perfect miracle right here in front of THOUSANDS of eyes for thousands to see…thank you a million times over for sharing your story and for baring your soul…With much love & gratitude…James’ Grandma…Carmella
Thank you so much for walking with me during that time. It means the world for me. I cannot hear the song “How He Loves Me” without shedding a tear. But it is a good thing because it was a reminder that God creates beauty in times of sadness.
I love you, Neva Lamb, you are simply, one of the most wonderful people I know. I praise God for you and your heart to serve no matter the cost. You inspire me.
Thank you.
Neva… Thank you from the depths of my heart and soul… I can still hear your voice singing “My chains are gone…” And as James passed away in our arms those were the words that kept resonating in my thoughts… His chains are gone, he’s been set free… He is now in the loving arms of Jesus looking down upon all the lives he’s touched and watching over those who prayed for him and continue to pray for peace in our lives… You are an amazing person, who went above and beyond to help a family you had never met… And like you, we will never, EVER forget that night… I feel blessed to have so many who cared about James and prayed for his healing, and now pray for the healing hearts of our family… It still hurts every second of every day, but I know that he is so extremely loved that his memory and his teachings (because I believe that, although he never spoke a word, he has taught many people many different lessons), will live on FOREVER… Never forget him… We will never forget you or be able to thank you enough… God Bless… Love, Nichole (James’ Mommy)
P.S. Cassandra and Kaela, you two are also some AMAZING women… Thank you both for all you’ve done… I love you guys!!!
Oh, Neva…I recently heard about this story through a dear friend of mine, who happens to be the mom that approached you on the balcony that day. She told me that your CD (which I gave to her while working at D2S…a short time after their daughter passed) and worship at NHCC was still ministering to her in amazing ways and what a “God thing” it was that you were at Children’s that day. You see, they didn’t know the family either, but a friend asked them to come to the vigil to offer support for the family, as they had also lost a child. Thanks for all that you do and for being available and willing to say “YES!” It meant a lot to my friends that day, and it sounds like it meant a lot to James’ family as well. God is so good! Love to you!