I found myself slicing peaches in my kitchen after a morning of coffee, muffins and prayer with some girlfriends. I was reflecting on the time we spent together and what exactly God was doing through us during this time. I began to think about my own life. All of my huge failures and some successes. I began to let my mind wander where it always does…how come things never turned out how I thought they would? How come my plans didn’t work? I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit saying, “because only part of you is surrendered.” What? I am all surrendered! I have given my life for Christ. I have moved my family across the country away from family and friends to serve Him. I have given up everything time and time again. What do you mean I am not completely surrendered? I began to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to me what this meant. I quickly realized my surrendered heart had always been for Him but mostly through worship and worship leading. There were pockets of my life I was holding onto. Things without even being aware of I was holding tightly to.
So in that moment I immediately said, “Yes”. Lord what it is you want me to do? I say yes. I surrender all of me. I began to imagine that God may desire to use me outside of worship. I had honestly never thought of that before. I know it doesn’t sound like a huge revelation but I had only thought of my life with “plans” for me as a worship leader. Maybe God desires me to be friend, or a better mother and wife. Maybe he has plans for me in women’s ministry or something I have never thought of. I remembered the verse in Jeremiah 18: 1-4 that had been haunting my heart for a week.
“The Lord gave me another message to Jeremiah. He said, Go down to the potter’s shop, and I will speak to you there. So I did as he told me and found the potter working at His wheel. But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over.”
How could I be so blind?! I am the lump of clay. God was bringing this passage to my mind over and over again and I never once understood why. I thought it was for “someone else”. As I write this I am overwhelmed and tears are welling up. I am so honored that He would choose to mar this lump of clay and make me a vessel that He desires to use. I admit, I am scared. There are definite things I can think of that if he asked me to do I would be terrified! However, that ordinary day in my kitchen slicing peaches has become a holy moment for me. A moment where I said, “Yes”. Yes, to whatever it is He asks.
